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[personal profile] rootbeer1
A recent post by Randy ([livejournal.com profile] lostncove) on chivalry and politeness reminded me that back when I took public transportation to work, and especially when I was hobbling around on crutches, I'd often watch to see who on a bus or train would give up their seat to what people, for what reasons. I came to no conclusions, but I did come up with my own personal calculus of priority seating (leaving aside people in wheelchairs, who have their own seats):

Someone in obvious medical distress (heart attack, burst appendix, water breaking/labor, blood gushing from their anus) takes precedence over everyone else. (The bus is going to stop, anyway, while an ambulance is summoned.)

People who are disabled or who cannot stand normally, or have leg injuries, such as those on crutches or walkers.

Seriously pregnant women (who appear close to their due date) come next.

Then people who have difficulty standing, such as those who have to use canes.

After that comes the frailer elderly, such as people over 80 or 85.

Then women who are obviously pregnant, if not quite at their due date.

Then a parent (mother or father) carrying a baby.

After that comes senior citizens, over 65 or so, who are healthy and can otherwise appear to stand without trouble (and thus don't fit the above categories).

After that comes people in emotional distress -- someone who is crying and obviously upset, for example.

Then comes people who might not quite be senior citizens, but are obviously a bit older than me and deserving of respect. This is especially true if they look like they are tired and can use a seat.

Then come healthy younger people who could use a seat -- someone with luggage, toddlers, or a lot of packages, for instance.

I'd give up my seat for anybody in the above categories, although there's probably a few I'm missing. I do think it's presumptuous to give up a seat to a woman just because she's a woman, and therefore it's being assumed that she is weaker. Or to someone with gray in their hair because I assume they're a senior citizen and therefore too frail to stand. There are people younger than me who are far grayer than I am.

Of course, the polite thing for an able-bodied adult to do is to decline the seat politely: "Thank you, but I can stand."

Date: 2008-10-23 02:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] muckefuck.livejournal.com
It's a delicate negotiation with the elderly, isn't it? My upbringing compels me to offer my seat to anyone over about 60 or so, but now that the baby boomers are moving into that bracket, I'm always worried about offending someone. How much do you insist? I was always taught it was polite to refuse an offer of help at least once, so I'm never sure when to take refusals at face value.

I'm getting to an age where I'm less willing to give up my seat to all and sundry than I used to be. Part of it's the worsening back problems, and part of it's the resentment at these hale and healthy whippersnappers everyone else is complaining about. It's hard not to feel like deference is a kind of non-monetary Social Security that we've all paid plenty into but won't be able to draw much out of in the years ahead.

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