Uncle Thingy

Trust me when I say that my dreams are more bizarre than the average person's, and I also remember them very well. Last night's installment was one of the most vivid in a while, in that I had a deranged uncle who was a professional avant-garde clown, who was killing off the Buffalo members of my family so that I (his favorite nephew) could inherit the family fortune (which amounted to a rusty car and two suitcases of old clothes). It was extremely colorful for a black comedy dream that combined elements of two black and white movies, Forbidden Zone and Kind Hearts and Coronets.

The uncle's "professional clown getup" takes a little bit of explaining. Called the "nutjob," the look is achieved by doing the following:
1. Shave your head.
2. Wear a long, fake nose.
3. Wear oversized baggy pants on your upper torso, sticking your head out through the fly of the pants.
4. Stick shoes over your hands.
5. On your lower torso, wear a shirt, with your legs in the arm holes.
6. On your feet, wear oversized clown hands.
7. Between your legs, tie a helium balloon with a big smiley face painted on it.
8. Now, walk on your hands.

Voila! Nutjob the clown!

I'm not sure if I've ever seen this costume/look before, but I probably have. Anybody recognize it? I'm actually not keen on clowns, although Al the cute clown from the recent edition of The Amazing Race changed my mind. He can cram into a tiny car with me and Jack anytime!

40 questions

1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? White, but I hope to get multi-colored Fiestaware or some other retro pattern someday.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Ecce and Old Earth, Jack Vance; The Nanny Diaries; Funny That Way, Joel Perry
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Plain green
4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Scrabble, Pictionary, Scattergories
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINES? New Musical Express, Q, Dwell, Gourmet, Newsweek
6. FAVORITE SMELL? Honeysuckle, peach, fresh-baked bread
7. WHAT IS YOUR TITLE AT WORK? systems analyst
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Should I hit the snooze button or just get up?
9. WHERE IS YOUR MIND RIGHT NOW? Planning to weed and water the backyard. Maybe pep up the flowers with some Miracle-Gro. Maybe make a pizza omelet (pepperoni, peppers and mozzarella) beforehand.
10. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? Magenta. Especially muddy-brown magenta. Why the designers on Changing Rooms and Trading Spaces keep painting rooms that color, I'll never know.
11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Two
12. WHO DO YOU ASPIRE TO BE MORE LIKE? Christ, Jimmy Carter, Jack
13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Treating others with kindness
14. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Vanilla with chocolate chips
15. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? No! Jack even has a little song he sings when I drive too slowly, to the tune of Jan and Dean's "Little Old Lady From Pasadena":

selected lyrics:
He's the little old Stevie from Murfreesboro
(Slow Stevie, Slow Stevie, Slow Stevie Slow)
His knowledge of traffic laws is very thorough
(Slow Stevie, Slow Stevie, Slow Stevie Slow)

When he's out driving to the gay bar
You'll even see him passed by a Chrysler K-car

16. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Yes, sometimes Jack has too much to eat, which is why he's on the Atkins diet now.
17. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? Cool!
18. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE? John Lennon
19. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Whiskey sour, or something fizzy, fruity and girly, topped with a paper umbrella and served in either a coconut, tiki head or stylized human skull
20. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN & YOUR BIRTHDAY? Pisces. March 1, 1961
21. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Yes
22. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE? Creative brainstormer
23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Black with blue highlights, like Superman Dark brown, my normal color
24. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Of course
25. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? Half full, with a paper umbrella in it and served in a coconut, tiki head or stylized human skull
26. FAVORITE MOVIES? A Hard Day's Night, Groundhog Day, Casablanca, From Russia With Love, and many more . . .
27. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Almost, combined with very fast hunt and peck
28. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? Drawers full of shorts and pants
29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 7
30. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? World's Strongest Man, downhill skiing, high diving, gymnastics, figure skating
31. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR? Bush in '04
32. BURGER KING OR MCDONALDS? BK
33. WHAT SCREEN SAVER IS ON YOUR COMPUTER? Backwards globe
34. THE BEST PLACES YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? Venice, London, Swiss Alps, Wales, San Francisco, New York, Provincetown, Montreal, Disneyland
35. FAVORITE CD? The Mekons' Rock and Roll
36. FAVORITE TV SHOW? Simpsons, Twilight Zone, Changing Rooms, The Avengers, The Golden Girls, I, Claudius, Mary Tyler Moore, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
37. WHAT IS THE WORD YOU MISTYPE MOST OFTEN? teh
38. HAMBURGERS OR HOTDOG? Burgers, with melted swiss and mushrooms
39. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Caffeine-free Diet Dr Pepper
40. IF YOU HAD A MILITARY RANK FOR YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Captain

Garden party

Attended a lovely garden party this afternoon in the Castro in honor of our friend Ted's 50th birthday. Ran into a local friend whom I've known online for about 3 years but have only met in person once before. Strange how it would appear to someone who wasn't familiar with online friendships, how we had only been in each other's presence just the one time, but we knew each other so well that we settled down and talked like old buddies. Isn't technology wonderful?

The catered food just kept on coming. After the hummus cups, out come the chicken skewers in peanut sauce, the unagi sushi, peking duck wraps, heirloom tomato mini-pizzas, tuna carpacchio, and then a fantastic deconstructed chocolate cake/coconut cake from Citizen Cake (as seen on Rachael Ray's "$40-a-day" dining show on the Food Network). And THEN out came the handheld lamb chops . . . mmmmmmmmm, howdy.

Address me as ...

According to the random title generator at http://title.flywheel.org/ . . . I shall henceforth be:

Marshall of The Ridiculous Army of The Surf Guitar, Steffen Earl

And it only took me a dozen tries before I got a title I could live with. I didn't want to be the Prince of No Pants or the Grand Marshall of Naked Chicks. (Many would kill for that honor, I expect.)